Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
That awkward moment for a guy when he`s at a urinal stall and another guy takes the stall right next to him when there`s plenty of other perfectly good stalls farther away..
Roses are red, this much is true, Violets are purple, not f*cking blue
I`m just doing what the beer tells me to.
Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me.
If I’m going to sweep all of my problems under the rug, then I’m going to need a bigger rug.
You can`t be late until you show up
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job.