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Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
There are two types of people in the world: 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm. 2. Morons.
Do you suppose prison guards could use `PROACTIV` to prevent outbreaks?
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that "I don`t care about being healthy and smelling clean."
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
When she says she`s madly in love with you, concentrate more on the word madness.
I know it’s “cool” to make fun of celebrities, but the Bieber jokes need to stop. That’s somebody’s daughter.
It must be really hard to judge wet t-shirt contests. I saw one recently, and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. It was way too literal for me.
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers