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According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with `Go away.`
I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.
I feel like the majority of Eminem`s songs are just him reading from his diary with angry background music.
I`m not fat, God gave me built in airbags because I`m so precious.
Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
Those who stir the sh!t pot should have to lick the spoon.
Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
Money can`t buy happiness, but somehow it`s a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
Never ask a Leper to "give you a hand", seriously, don`t........................
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.