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Don’t underestimate my ability to do absolutely nothing.
Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
Practice safe text – use commas and never miss a period.
I hate it when the credit card bills come in and I have to have sex with my husband.
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
I have been snoring a lot lately and apparently my coworkers find it distracting
If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
Smile, it´s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
I`ll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way.
She said there`s no difference between turkey bacon and regular bacon, and now I`m supposed to just "forget about it"?
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid`s vomit.
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?