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All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now.
Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
I think I`m gonna glue my thumbs to my nipples and pretend I`m a T-Rex.
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
Left the toilet seat up. Wife screaming in 5, 4, 3, 2...
I read in a book somewhere that we only use 12% of our brains....I wonder what the other half is for?
Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me all like, “Whoa! That was close!”
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
hilarious