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It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
I`m doing the KFC Bucket Challenge!
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
Not sure what my spirit animal is, but I am sure it has rabies
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullshit I’ll put up with before I catch on.
When you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
When I see something funny on the internet, I don’t usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn`t need if you`d stayed single.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.
Today I saw a girl with the word "Anel" on her butt. I was like, woah..it`s supposed to say "Anal"..it`s spelled wrong then I realized it was supposed to say "Angel". The G was stuck in her a$$crack
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...