Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
When I see someone walking more than one dog I always think, "wow, that person must be really blind."
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their car keys.
If you hear sirens and see some naked dude with jeans on his head running down the street, be sure to throw me a beer.
I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you`re going to jail.
They should make Vodka ChapStick
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.
Someone has got to come up with a polite way to ask a fat girl if she`s pregnant.
Dear Lord, Thanks for making me funny. Especially since you didn`t give me much else to work with.
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.