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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
Couldn`t stop thinking about that drought on the west coast while I was watering my driveway today.
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we`re f*cked.
Half of my life has been spent hoping people don’t see me.
If you step on someone`s foot, they open their mouth just like trash cans.
Starting to think my wife might have a tumor. She`s had a headache for the past 15 years.
Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That`ll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.
There`s actually a website designed to simulate what it`s like to be the sole survivor of a nuclear holocaust, it`s called MySpace.