Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a "Which Muppet Are You?" quiz.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people......
It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
I just burnt my tongue on my food. It made me realise that it’s the ones we love that hurt us the most.
I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack..
I’m an only child, and I’m still not the favorite.
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell, well he actually told me to eat "less McDonalds" but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
The reason dogs look confused when you open the refrigerator door is because they`re thinking "Why don`t you just eat ALL the food?"
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.