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And, yet another day I’ve gone without using calculus.
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion, the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
You can correct people`s grammar or you can have friends. But you can`t do both.
I`m hearing voices again. Probably because my window is open and there are people outside talking, but still.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
Today in my local cemetery I came across the grave of Arthur Wynne the inventor of the crossword puzzle. For those that want to know where he is buried it`s 6 down and 4 across.
Sorry, I didn`t get your text...Just kidding, I ignored that sh!t.
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
The key to eating healthy is to avoid any food that has a TV commercial.
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
I have many talents... For example: Sleeping.
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.