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Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that.
Just bought myself a mistletoe belt buckle. Wish me luck.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
Be good to your nieces and nephews. One day you`ll need them to smuggle alcohol into your nursing home.
Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time…
Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of sh!t?"
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
Walmart needs observation decks.
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
Admit it, we all have that special someone we`d visit if given a tank to drive for a day
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty