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Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
Tattoos are an expensive and a painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification
My favorite drinking game is drinking.
I just saw a poster that said, "Have you seen this man?" with a number to call ... So I called the number and told them, "no."
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
How strict is the "I licked it, it`s mine" policy? There`s some things I`ve licked that I don`t want.
"I smell carrots. Do you smell carrots? `cause I smell carrots..." ~ Snowmen.
Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I`m guessing it`s because the other fifty percent can`t afford lawyers.
I’m going back to sleep. I refuse to give up on my dreams that easily.