Daily Silly Status

I’m cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass.

I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG

Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!

"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.

Sorry, I can’t today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandfather’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and yes, it was tragic.

FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END

I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(

Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.

I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.

I’m not shy, I’m just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.

Car next to me in the liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has seven kids! ... I better get in there quick! She`s gonna buy it all.

Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.

You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.

I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?

I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!