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Only 3 things can make me run. When someone yells, "Fire", "Free beer" or "The free beer is on fire”
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
Its funny how your friends change , Meet new people and forget about you . :( But just know i`ll still be in your heart?
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
Is it annoying when people answer their own questions? Yes it is. Do I wish they would stop? Absolutely.
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, "It`s okay, I think we lost him."
That weirdo that comes into bars and tries to sell roses would make a lot more money if he sold tacos.
I need a new bad decision.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.