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Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
I can`t even tell what this thing in my fridge use to be.
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
You`ve really got to hand it to short people, because sometimes they often can`t reach it.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
The fact that Google autocompletes all of my questions just reaffirms how unoriginal all my problems are.
Internet went down so I had to spend time with my family. They seem like good people.
Why isn’t the default for online shopping “view all”? Who likes to skip through 20 pages of only 12 items…
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
Being human is expensive and exhausting.
All women have an hour glass figure – it’s just that they all tote around different amounts of sand.