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It`s been a boring day today. Not exactly Nascar boring, but awfully close.
The guy who invented wet t-shirt contests probably has no idea that shirts can just be taken off.
I don`t care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
I bet blind people think farts are funnier than deaf people.
Had a pizza today without extra cheese. Dieting is hard
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
I will be good today... I will be good today... I will be good today... Yeah.... I didn`t believe it either..
I just blew all my party money on bills again
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
Wanted a nap but had trouble getting to sleep. So I put on Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. Now 13 hours later, I`m well rested.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
My Status updates are so great people hit the like button twice