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My girlfriend called me up and said "Come on over to my place. No one`s home!" I went over. No one was home.
What is the difference between a trapeze artist and a supermodel?. The trapeze artist has a cunning stunt.
I enjoy long walks away from responsibility.
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
is battling with eyelids
Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
Wouldn`t it be awesome if MTV had a show called "16 and Applying to Colleges"
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
I`m pretty sure God just pointed at me and laughed.
I should win an Oscar for acting like I`m busy at work.
It´s not that I hate you, it´s just.. well I´ll put it this way.. if you were on fire & I had water, I´d drink it.
Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers
Saw a chameleon today, so I`m assuming it wasn`t a very good one.