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Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
I`m an organ donor, but I`m pretty sure all they`re going to use my liver for is "after" photos.
If only life was as easy as getting fat.
When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.
Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
Everyone can stop painting. We all have cameras that can take perfect pictures of everything.
The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people.
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.
Being an adult is mostly just wondering if the stuff in the dishwasher is dirty or clean while eating soup out of a sand castle bucket.