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My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don`t run into anyone you know
BEER! The official sponsor of hot days!
Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you`ll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
life is short play naked
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D
If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don`t: technically, you did