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lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
Invite me to your wedding . Invite me to go have fun , but please stop inviting me to your farm .
Girls love shoes… so if she throws one at you, you know she’s really pissed off.
I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
These old people at the bus stop really suck at paintball.
Someone asked me today if ive ever been with two women at the same time. But why would I want to disappoint two women at the same time?
The wet spot in my bed is tears
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but, I’m slowly getting over it.
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
Pay no attention to the pizza being delivered to the bush outside your bedroom window.
Yea, there is no "I" in team... but there sure is "ME".
My family tree is a cactus, we`re all pricks.