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I still miss my ex. But my aim is gettin` better.
Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
Dear college students, Sorry about your GPA. - Netflix
Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better
Although the voices aren`t real, they have some pretty good ideas.
When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
I always try to learn from the mistakes of other people..... who have taken my advice
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid`s vomit.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
I’m going to rename my wifi network to “Surveillance Van #02?. That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.