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I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
Friends are like snowflakes.... if you pee on them they disappear.
Helpful Tip : The police never think it`s as funny as you do.
There comes a time in the day, when no matter what the question, the answer is booze.
It doesn’t matter what it is. It is automatically cool if it glows in the dark.
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
Well, I`m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.
If I was stuck on a desert island with only one record, I would want it to be the record for being able to swim the farthest.
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.
There are some people in this world who make you totally understand Hannibal Lecter.