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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
"You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.
When I die I want my body donated to science; specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
You know its a bad day when your fat pants are tight :(
My New Years resolution is always don’t die. So far so good.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
If I’m not eating I’m most likely not happy.
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious
A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
There’s a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the “close this ad” button.
I`m on a whiskey diet. So far I`ve lost 3 days.