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I`d try Taco Bell`s breakfast but I don`t start drinking that early.
Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If your parents told you you`re beautiful, they`re lyin to you..:D
My clothes are 75% off and this is not a sale.
My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker.
Bacon...need I say more
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
I’ve found the best way to learn your co-workers’ names is by eating their food in the office fridge
Not to brag, but I still owe Blockbuster $2.00 for not rewinding Weekend at Bernies.
New Game: Attach a mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.