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Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from vacation.
"Memory foam pillow fights". That`s one fight you`ll never forget.
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting inside a bar.
If you can’t face it, moon it.
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I`ll take a Dirty Hammock."
I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.