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In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
Lord, if I can`t be skinny, make my friends look fat.
I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
Since I`m getting older I`ve been thinking about my health. Should I work out 2 hrs a day like Jack Lalanne who was 96? Or smoke cigars like George Burns who lived to be 100?
There`s an emoji for eggplants but not for popcorn and this is why trusting people isn`t just hard, it`s impossible.
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
I don`t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
Reminiscing isn’t as fun as it used to be.
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!