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I have been left unsupervised yet again. This usually leads to trouble & other bad things, please have bail money ready and keep your phone on.
These last 7 hours at work are always the longest.
I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
I hate it when I think I`m buying ORGANIC vegetables but when I get home I discover they`re just REGULAR donuts...
WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You`re an adult" every few minutes.
I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job there.
Marriage. Because your sh*tty day doesn`t have to end at work
Guy- What`s your sign? Me- Stop
I need a job that pays at least 10,000 dollars an hour.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?