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Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
I don`t know where the saying "working like a dog" got started but I`m looking at my dogs daily routine feeling pretty jealous myself.
Take mentos and freeze into ice cubes. Put the ice cubes in your friend’s drink. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode.
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
They don`t say "Get down Mr. President" anymore. Now they just shout, "Donald Duck!"
I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
Divorce... The most common home improvement project.
If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.