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Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler`s Anonymous?
I`m old enough to remember when cell phones actually got smaller every year.
I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
Relationship status: my cat won`t sit still for our selfies.
Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.
Checking the time on your phone twice because you were`nt paying attention the first time
Dear World, Stop saying "twerk."
I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti! I just want a future archaeologist to have a great day!
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
I bet people don’t understand that I’m joking 800% of the time.
Sometimes I use big words that I don’t fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.