Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
I`m sorry did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
Try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is
Next time you go to the bank and they ask you if you`d like large bills, just look at them dead serious and say "No, normal size ones if you don`t mind."
Scientists have discovered that at least 50 percent of fat people’s BMI is made up of excuses...
I`m so broke that I can`t even pay attention!
Guess what I saw today ... Everything I looked at. ;)
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"
I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"
No thank you, I don`t need a coaster. I won`t be putting my drink down.