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Much to my daughters horror, I just sang along to Ace of Base`s “The Sign” at full volume in a van full of her friends. Being a dad is fun!
I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.
Tonight`s good mood is sponsored by ... Beer!!
Always be yourself, unless you suck…and if you suck you should try being more like me.
I do 5 sit-ups every morning. No, it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can press the snooze button.
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?
There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
Found out today you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at the waffle house... just trying to help.
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
most teens are switching to twitter instead of facebook. noone wants to get on facebook and catch dad pocking mom... if you kno what I mean;)