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I always get naked before I get in bed so I don`t know why this lady at Sears is giving me a dirty look in the mattress section.
I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
I`m getting all dressed up. Have a feeling I might be on COPS tonight.
Do bees even have knees?
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
One time I snuck a whole rotisserie chicken into a movie, cause candy is for amateurs.
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
Make Tomorrow More Fun: Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
Don`t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I`ve changed since then.
if a guy tells you you`re ugly ; he wants you, if a girl tells you your ugly; she`s jealouse, if you a kid tells you your`re ugly..... you`re ugly.
I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me
My Wife does this cute thing where she says that "actions speak louder than words" and then gets pissed at me for just nodding.
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage
It’s not pretty being easy.