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The best part about being at work on Friday is that it gives me 9 hours to figure out what I`m going to drink tonight.
When pornstars get up to speak in front of a large group, do they picture people with their clothes on?
For a minute there, I thought I had just wasted 60 seconds...
Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?
Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won`t be necessary.
When I was a child, I wanted to be a surgeon. But apparently I was too young
Somebody told me I`m horrible with names.
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
Sorry I missed your call. I took too long to answer because I was dancing to the ringtone.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Walmart needs observation decks.
Don`t refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your `team of writers`
Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.