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I always get naked before I get in bed so I don`t know why this lady at Sears is giving me a dirty look in the mattress section.
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
you know why maths is unhappy? because it got so many problems.
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
Get real. No one’s going to form a single line if the building’s on FIRE.
If you`ve lost your appetite today, I think I have it.
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
Alcohol doesn’t make you fat… it makes you Lean… on tables, chairs & random ugly people.
i wonder if fish get thirsty .
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
Great friends never let you do stupid things......alone