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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
The only thing I`m really learning from this 401K meeting at work this morning is that I`ll probably never be able to retire.
If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
Boss: Why aren`t you working? Me: I didn`t see you coming!
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
I wonder if the clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look! ...that one`s shaped like an idiot!"?
I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
Life is like toilet paper....either you`re on a roll....or you`re taking sh*t from some asshole
I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
Who named the walkie talkie and why isn`t the vacuum called the pushy sucky?
Why does whoop-ass only come in a can?
H.A.T.E.R.S. : Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success?
I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.