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You just don`t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
If u think I talk to much, just let me know. We can talk about it!
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
I`m starting to doubt that all of the people in this singing group are called Carol.
Walmartians: Nothing says `FML` like these curious abominations of the shopping world.
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
Long story short, I love summaries
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!