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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
Don`t ever forget.. I`m always here. A l w a y s. Scrolling. Judging. Judging. Scrolling. That`s right. I see everything.
You`re never too old to learn something stupid.
"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
My New Year`s resolution was to lose 15 lbs by the middle of February. I have 20 lbs. to go.
My wife is a perfectionist but she made an exception in my case.
Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
My medic alert bracelet warns first responders that I kiss back during CPR
Turns out the plastic bag they put in your ice bucket at a hotel isn`t for to-go bacon from the breakfast buffet.
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?
I just made my first snow angel!! ... Ok fine.. I got bored, got drunk and then passed out in the snow, whatever!
So who the hell ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?