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How can so many movies be “based on real events” when no one farts?
Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
Sometimes words just aren`t enough. And that`s why we have middle fingers.
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
Never underestimate the power of the web. -Charlotte
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.
Walmart...because going to Target requires identity theft protection and a shower.
keep scrolling I`ve got nothing....
Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"
Apparently “finders keepers” does not include expensive cars in parking lots.