Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.
Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there`s a cop hiding in the bushes
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
Light travels faster than sound. That`s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
Spiderman`s Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.
was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.
What I lack in vocabulary, I make up for in…you know...stuff...and...things...