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You never really know someone until you break up with them. If they don’t go crazy and try to kill you than maybe you should give them a second chance.
Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
Head & Shoulders needs to come out with a body spray that will help repel flakey people from my life.
Hearing jokes is always 100 times funnier when you have water in your mouth.
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
The hardest part about having a vivid imagination is finding enough things to climb on to avoid all the frickin’ lava on the floor!
I like to jump onto people`s backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.
Highways need 4 lanes per side - A NASCAR wannabe lane, a normal driver lane, an old people who drive 40 in a 70 lane & a "where in the hell am I?" lane.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.
“Until death do us part,” means we will all be single in heaven, right?
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!