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A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
I didn`t text you. Vodka texted you.
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
Just once I wanna see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f**k..."
A married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
I`m 0-9 on finding secret rooms behind bookcases.
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.