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I accidentally lit the wrong end of a cigarette-that can`t be healthy!
I hope to get to the point in my life where I`m not excited about finding change on the ground.
I try to live by two rules: 1. Don’t make fun of stupid people (they cant help it) 2. Don’t be stupid (people will make fun of you)
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday.. Satan slips that one in. He’s a sneaky bastard.
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
There’s no worse feeling than realizing your wife has fallen asleep & you’ve spent the last 20 minutes watching Real Housewives by yourself.
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
Girls here`s an idea, instead of spending all that money on makeup. Just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Multitasking (verb) - Screwing up several things at once.
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.