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I try to avoid nice people, so they can stay that way.
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
It’s amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don’t like them.
I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.
Look, if your cart is in the middle of the aisle and I need to get by, then yes, this is bumper cars.
A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I`m wrong.
I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
Anyone who knows me obviously knows a shit ton about awesomeness.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
I’m drinking something. I`ll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”
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Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"