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I`m sorry I slapped you. It`s just you seemed like you weren`t going to stop talking and I panicked.
Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
Just belted the dog in the drivers seat and pushed the car up to the drive-thru window
I just awesomed all over the place.
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
FB friends, please let me know if you own one of those cool little Smart cars so I can unfriend you.
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
This morning I jogged for 30 swear words.
Relationship status: running out of films on Netflix.
The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
Some families are like Snickers Bars. Mostly sweet, with a few nuts!
Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.