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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife going thru my phone.
Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
Just remember the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your talent
Yeah but why do they call him Bigfoot if both of his feet are the exact same size
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
Pretending to be nice is exhausting...
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.
I`d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don`t wanna see you everyday.
Finally got this fire hydrant open, but there was like, the opposite of fire inside
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.
I always write `wake up` on my to-do-list so I can at least accomplish one thing a day