Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My internet was down for almost 4 mins, I’m ok but the 911 operator was a total b!tch about it!
PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
Good to know that if they ever release a lion in Walmart you only have to run faster than the fat lady with the zebra print pants on.
I`m not sure who looks more frightened & confused when someone knocks on my door, the dog or me?
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
She texted me: "Your adorable.". I replied: "No, you`re adorable." Now she thinks I like her. All I did was point out her typo!
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
Bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn`t been used at the liquor store since Friday.
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.
The early bird gets the worm! So does the late bird. They all get worms all the time; there`s tons of those things. Relax, there will always be a lota worms......
If Santa’s helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?