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My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
i just accidentally used AOL online, im betting the workers there are celebrating and think they have a chance in the future. lol
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m coming to your house with a facking baseball bat.
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
I love water. Especially when it`s frozen and surrounded by vodka.
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it`s considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it`s called "cheating."
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it`s only Tuesday
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
Me on New Years Eve: “I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.”
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.