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I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything?
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
Oh cool! ... I really do not care.
There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.
Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”
I`ve never done any mistake twice... three, four times may be!
Well I just finished up some spring cleaning. Holy crap, owning a Slinky can be such a hassle.
Having a dirty mind makes simple conversation much more exciting!
I`m a nonviolent person until I see a spider. Then I turn into Al Capone and "I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND!
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.