Daily Silly Status

I`m first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.

If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me

I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.

If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, you know you have small boobs

A word to the wise isn`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember all the things I was suppose to do.

You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.

Very little scares me. So does very big.

Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav

I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.

Starting to think my wife might have a tumor. She`s had a headache for the past 15 years.

Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!

The problem with drinking with people from work is they`re the ones I bitch about when I`m drunk.

Technically, every picture is a before picture.