Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
When choosing a name for your daughter, imagine her being announced in a strip club. If she doesn`t need a stage name, pick something else.
Just got in 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick an ice cube up off the kitchen floor.
Never piss off a woman on her period...scratch that...Never piss off a woman, period.
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
Guys you should never overreact when you hear the words, " The babysitter is late."
Flight 370, proven harder to find then the G spot :-/
I don`t make a very good first impression, but if you hang around, my forty-third one is pretty cool.
I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.
I just made my first snow angel!! ... Ok fine.. I got bored, got drunk and then passed out in the snow, whatever!
Pizza doesn’t ask questions. Pizza understands.