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Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!
I`m done chasing people who aren`t willing to do the same for me. After today, the ice cream man can go f*ck himself!!
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!
Apple is looking to expand its market share among Latinos. No word yet on the release date of their newest device, the iCaramba.
I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.
To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.
There`s actually a website designed to simulate what it`s like to be the sole survivor of a nuclear holocaust, it`s called MySpace.