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They say you have real problems if you hear disembodied voices; fortunately all my imaginary friends have bodies.
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
When will vegeterians stop eating my food`s food??
I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll do it.
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….
When someone says "Surprise me", I quickly drop my pants.
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops