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It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
Lots of people waiting in lines today. Did a new iPhone just come out?
Apparently when my math teacher asked `what comes after 69` "I DO" was not the correct answer.
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
My wife hasnt stopped looking through the window since it started raining. If it gets worse, I might have to let her back in...
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
My ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" but I can`t drive a bus.
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
You know you`re old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at him.
I wish karma would send me email notifications.