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What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.
My girlfriend said she wasn`t impressed and felt she needed a man with at least 6 inches. So I folded it in half.
You know you`re up really late at night when you turn on ESPN and 2 white guys are boxing!
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
I just found my Christmas Spirit.... It`s been in aisle 6 at this liquor store the whole time!
Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I`d look out the window for that.
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there
I’m actually a really nice guy once you get to blow me.