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April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
My son just accused me of making stuff up. I wouldn`t mind but I don`t even have any children!
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
Who decided to call the man purse a satchel and not a douchebag?
Why do guys cheat on pretty girls with ugly ones...?
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and hold on, are those nuts?
I’m not implying you’re stupid. I’m saying it outright. Here, I wrote it in crayon to help you understand.
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.