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Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
You should always love a woman for her personality. We have so many to choose from.
My Ex-Wife: Our relationship is like being in prison! ME: I don’t think so. People have sex in prison.
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
Any fool can use a computer ... Many do
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as the Kraft Singles?
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
Today`s brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don`t have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won`t look weird.
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
I`m the perfect man if you don`t factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being.
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.
I`ve often wondered: Who the heck is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
I test drove a car last month. Apparently, you`re not supposed to keep the car for a month. At least that what this cop is telling me.