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Is glad Christmas is near i sure need new coloring books and crayons ..
I just burnt my tongue on my food. It made me realise that it’s the ones we love that hurt us the most.
I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the pizza in the oven.
Growing up and becoming an adult was the worst decision I’ve ever made.
someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
Tonight, I`m bringing Sexy back! I just hope I don`t need a receipt...
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
I hope my last words aren’t “What does this thing do?”
The phrase "Don`t take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
I am not sure why a guy getting trapped in a vagina sculpture is big news...men have been trapped by vaginas for many years.
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.