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Me, watching the Olympics: "That was impressive." Announcer: "ANOTHER DISASTROUS MISTAKE!"
Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
Everything in earthquake-prone areas should be built on top of a giant Tempurpedic mattress.
Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
I could never cheat in a relationship, That requires 2 women to find me attractive.
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
If u think someone (me) is cute u should tell them (me)
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.
I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I`m not an actor.
I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane`s dog & she was like, "I`ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!