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I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.
Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.
ME: “We have a problem, the liquor store is closed.” HER: “That`s ok, I don’t drink.” ME: “Ok we have two problems.”
Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
I just saw a disclaimer that said “don’t try this at home”, so I tried it at my neighbors house.
F*ck spiders. F*ck them and the way they move their legs, f*ck their ability to multiply by the million and f*ck their eight, beady little black eyes that offer unblinking, soulless glimpses of the blackest depths of hell itself.
I don’t use Siri because I have to deal with enough women who have no personality and know everything.
If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny sh!t.
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.
As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.